Sunday, July 03, 2005

My last post in israel?

I leave Israel in two and a half days.  It is heading towards me far too quickly, which is strange.  I almost never leave a place before I am ready to leave it.  Usually I am in a terrible rush--no matter how happy I was in some non-homey place--to get home.  HOME.  I am so excited to be with the familiar, the family, the people and places that I love, but this is the most bittersweet little exit I've ever made.  Mostly because the whole color of the world has changed for me.  While I am accustomed to looking forward to the mundane everyday activities that make home home, (Mom setting the table, Dad fixing me a drink before dinner, sisters laughing or fighting, Koti following me around, bla bla bla a hundred simple little happinesses), and I still do, it is hard to imagine them all happening without HIM there.  This is particularly strange because he has never been a part of any of these things, they have always occurred, quite naturally, without him.  But now, pretty much anything that happens without him feels unnatural, and all my silly, wonderful memories are not enough to make the new yet-to-be-made memories worthwhile if he is not there to make them with me. 

There is so much more to write, updates on what I've been up to during my last two week respite, but now I am too sad and melancholy.

Let me just say Happy Birthday to my Papa, the best Papa of ever, who I love and love and love, and to Wes, who's also okay in my book...(wink and smile)