Saturday, November 08, 2008

I feel so much hope for my country.

David and I just got back from our highlands tour, and I promise to catch up with pictures and posts as soon as I can. For now though, just want to say how happy I am. We stayed up in our bed and breakfast in Inverness on Tuesday night until 5 am, watching the results and Obama's speech and history being made. It's hard to be away from home at times like these, but to be honest this election was a global phenomenon. People were celebrating in the streets here, and in countries all over the world.

It feels right to be going home now. Especially since David's dad can come visit, since he said he wouldn't step foot in the States if McCain won.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Why do I always leave the depressing ones up so long?

I feel a bit better. It's been rough, mainly because I went off the Effexor. For lots of reasons that I'm not quite ready to sure with the blogosphere just yet. But I am on my way to wellness... David is taking me back home. It's not that I don't love Scotland, because I do, or that I haven't had a great time here, because I have, it's just that I have no place here yet. I am here, on a tourist visa, for a boy. I have no other reason for existing here. I'm not doing mission work, I'm not studying, I'm not working. And that kind of purposeless existence is a recipe for mental disaster when it comes to my complicated psyche.

So we are going back home. In two weeks. I have lived in David's hometown, now he will live in mine. Yes. we are returning to Cleveland, there to stay for a year or so. After that, who knows. But at least I will be able to work in an actual job and feel somewhat useful and not like a lump of cold oatmeal. Hooray!

Will we come back to Scotland? Most likely. I want to give this place a chance, a real chance, when I have a proper visa and can really make a life here. Stay here permanently? Not so sure about that. I need the sun! But everything is up in the air for the moment, except the fact that I am going home. Home!