So I found someone to watch Jack. It was fate, I tell you. The other day I finally realized that I had to do something, had to find just two or three hours a day, a few times a week, in order to preserve my fraying sanity. So I typed "childcare Cleveland" into google and sat back to await my salvation. I have typed those words in many, many times and come up with all sorts of daycares, all too expensive or too scary sounding (I watch you're kids for you. CHEAP!) . But this time a craigslist ad, posted only two days before, popped up. Lilly, a stay-at-home mom of an eleven-month-old boy, looking to supplement her income by taking a few other children into her home. Two blocks away from my home. For $8 an hour. An early childhood education major who wasn't ready to formally go back to work. (And Jewish!) I called her. We met. She's perfect.
So yesterday was the big day. I took Jack over, planning on running errands for two hours. We'd spent about an hour or so there the day before, and he was laughing and playing with her, smiling when I left. So I ran to get some Christmas shopping done, only to have her call me an hour later. Apparently Jack had started crying right after I left, and hadn't stopped. She had tried everything, but he was inconsolable. She worried he had an upset tummy. But, lo and behold, as soon as I walked in the door, he was fine.
I honestly thought it was too early for separation anxiety. And I've left him before, but always with family members he knows really well. I should have had a bit more respect for him I suppose, as a developing personality and an intelligent baby. He's just so mellow, so happy to be passed from stranger to stranger (so long as he can see me I now realize) that it never occurred to me there would be a problem. Although I must admit it is a thrill to know just how important I am to him, considering he doesn't show much preference for me above other people normally. But still. I stayed for an hour, letting Lilly hold him, and then snuck out again for a half hour, and he was asleep when I got back. Today we'll take it slow again. Here's hoping.